Front Runner

I know I haven't written anything in about a month and its not like things haven't been happening or anything. I think i just wanted a clear understanding of what God has been doing lately. So my initial thinking when I came to Hillsong college was for me to rest from the ministry. I wanted to not be a leader for awhile. I wanted to be a follower, just be a face in the crowd. I wanted people to start teaching me and me not be responsible for others. I wanted to be a baby again. But that isn't supposed to happen. I was a baby once and now I'm a grown up. I grew up. And not only physically, but spiritually as well.
While being here things have changed...relationships, friendships, feelings, hopes, dreams, things that i thought i wanted have changed. Things that i thought would last forever were challenged and some crashed and burned while others continue to flourish. As a leader I have to go through those things. I have to see those things that will last in my life so in turn I am able to lead others. And for a long time I didn't want to lead others. I didn't want to be responsible. And I knew I was running away from it and I was ok with that.
But just when I wanted to run away God corners me...and not in a "I'm bigger than you ha-ha kind of way" but in a "what do you think you're doing? this is who you are" way. People here have been telling me that I need to start a connect group I kept giving excuse after excuse. "No..i don't want to lead anything" "No...I'm tired" blah blah blah. Than just when I thought I was out of the clear I start helping a ministry...help lead with a couple other people. I didn't think I was until one day I found myself taking over things...naturally. I knew the trap was set into place. Than just last week I got offered to lead a ministry...not even something that I've been a part of...not a ministry that I've spent time in...I'm not even close to the person who is head of it. They just knew I was a pastor and I'm experienced...but I'm experienced in my church...not hillsong! I was thinking "they let just ANYONE lead ministries"!!! But the truth is...at least the truth that i think is the truth is that God is setting me up. Not in a "you can't move and your trapped" set up, but a "you're a leader and I will put you in leadership roles until you believe that you're a leader" set up.
Am I mad? Not at all. Am i afraid? A little. (but you were a pastor for 4 years...why are you scared?) Because even in my leadership roles I was always behind someone...and with this i would be the front runner. And I believe this is why God brought me here...to be a front runner.
So...tomorrow I'm having a meeting with the girl that's over the ministry and we're gonna see if I'm game. And this week I'm gonna start praying about leading a connect group and want God to open doors for me. I know this is what God wants because this is a way to disciple people and grow the church and that's what God wants from his people.
So to be continued....