With Everything

I went to the Powerhouse Retreat and this is a ministry for 18-25 yr olds. I went initially because Nick (youth pastor) signed me up. I wasn't sure what to expect because 1.i hardly knew anyone and 2.i had no idea how they do retreats and sorts. So at first i was happy because i knew the girls that would be in my cabin but that was a bust because the girls i thought maybe, just maybe, i would connect with...didn't work out. I did however connect with another girl and that was cool to just sit and chat with her.
I went with Michelle (Ali's sister..Emma's flatmate) and in the car was Christian (3rd yr pastoral student) Laurene and Tara. We all got along really well which made the hour car ride fun. When we got there they do this thing called tribal wars (connect groups are in a different tribe and they just have games) I didn't really participate in that cause it just wasn't my thing. The first nights message was good but didn't do much for me. The next morning was a pivotal day. I heard Robert Ferguson speak and it just rocked my world. Because I realized that i came all the way to Australia to be with Jesus...and i wasn't allowing Jesus to do all He wants to do. I was allowing God in my plans when I'm the one that's supposed to open to participate in Gods plan. Than that afternoon during our break i found out that Mama Tomi passed away. I was on the beach with Tabita sleeping next to me and I was looking at the ocean just praying and balling. I couldn't take it...I felt helpless...far away...lonely...confused...frustrated...mad...sad...angry (not at God) but at people here. Mad at them for being friendly at one time than ignoring me the next. Mad that I'm suppose to connect with people like its the easiest thing to do and its been the hardest for me...Mad that I just couldn't do anything.
Than I go to the night session and Nick spoke. I never heard him speak and boy was i in for it. He spoke with such vigor, conviction, and strength. After the message was worship time and they played this song "With Everything" and i felt this burden just lifted off of me during this song...I sang at the top of my lungs (i forgot about my sore throat) and cried till i couldn't cry anymore. I felt like God was with me and never let me go...I felt like i was so selfish and stupid for feeling like He went anywhere. I felt like I could careless about those people who didn't want to get to know me...I felt like my old self. I felt so confident again and was stupid for thinking any less. I didn't even care that i hardly got any sleep cause of the people i thought i would "connect" with would come to the cabin at all hours of the night and was even snoring on the last night.
So the next day was so good too. I got to hear some great preachings and worship some more. I looked forward to the worship. I feel like worshipping all the time now. I feel it in my blood just boiling.
After that truly life changing experience we drove back home so tired and when i got back i had lost my voice and was coughing up a lung. So I'm here today feeling worse, my body aches, runny nose, coughing...i took some meds and have been in bed all day and trying to piece together the brokenness of God in my heart and had to change some things in my life that are gut wrenching but having the faith and trust in Gods plan that He has for me.


***I suggest when listening to this song...blast it as loud as you can...so you can't hear anything around you...just the words...the bass...the spirit***
Open our hearts, To see the things That make Your heart cry, To be the church The You would desire. Light to be seen. Break down our pride, And all the walls We've built up inside, Our earthly crowns And all our desires, We lay at Your feet. So let hope rise, And darkness tremble In Your holy light, And every eye will see Jesus, our God, Great and mighty to be praised. God of all days, Glorious in all of Your ways. Your majesty, the wonder and grace, In the light of Your name. With everything, With everything, We will shout for your glory. With everything, With everything, We will shout forth your praise. Our hearts will cry Be glorified, Be lifted high, Above all names. For You our King, With everything, We will shout forth your praise. Woah...

Yeah I know him

I went to the Frontline Renaissance today and i was surprised to see JD (one of the main United guys) leading worship. The last time I saw him was back home when I drove him to the airport. I haven't seen any of the guys I met from October. So after the service and he was outside talking to someone and i just casually said hi, hoping he remembered me, cause that would be super embarrassing. But he did...he even remembered my name! (which was pretty awesome). Well he was asking the regular questions, like how i was doing? and how i was adjusting? stuff like that and than he was like well if you need anything email me...than he gave me his email address...i was like whoa! JD just gave me his email address. I know he's just a regular guy but i was like sweet! (i mean i probably wont email him but still!)
So the best part was when i got back to the flat my flatmate Kayla was there and i was telling her about it and she was so jealous! haha Just cause JD is kinda famous being part of United, and he was just so casual. Pretty cool experience i'd have to say.

i miss my daddy

I'm just sitting here and its getting late and im getting tired but i miss my dad. I miss his smile, his smell, his cologne (i love that stuff), his white face in the summer, his red face all the time, his wrinkles, the way he laughs and especially his cooking. I know he's in Colombia and can't really talk to him until he gets back, but i wish he skyped (or at least knew what it is haha).
I knew i would miss his smell..which is why i shoulda brought a tie with me or something (maybe ill have my mom send one). But growing up i never really had a good relationship with him and over the past years we've gotten closer and i just miss him.
I know he's ok because God is with him, i would just like to hear his voice...just a couple more days.

Orange chicken

I haven't blogged in a couple days cause its just been running around a bit. This week started the Frontline Renaissance and its a ministry for 25-35 yr olds. This has been interesting for me cause a) i have always been around teens, b)my older friends were usually just family, c) i don't really know how to talk to people my own age...i feel like i need to talk about politics or theology. BUT, theres good news! I have found some good friends, thanks to Emma because i kind of have been tagging along with her and her friends and have been able to talk to and hang out with girls my age. On thursday was the first night of Renaissance and there was a Rubiks party. It was in a wherehouse and we had to dress up in cocktail wear (i had no idea about this cocktail dress up...so i come downstairs in my hammer pants and flats and Emma says didn't anyone tell you this was a cocktail party? I, horrified, started laughing and said NO! but then told them to give me 10 mins!)
So finally we get there and give it an hour (even though we were 45 mins late). We played cricket, did some two step dancing, and scoped out the place for about an hour and decided to leave.
(we weren't the only ones who thought it was semi-awkward to be there)
We went to some Brazilian food place and I had a chicken wrap (the fries were amazing) and had some friendly chatter. The next morning I get up and go in the kitchen and Rachel (my 29 yr old flatmate) is almost out the door when she mentions to me that there is an all day conference...I'm freaking out again cause i had no idea! So I rush to get ready and go and hear an incredible truly life changing message from Robert Ferguson. After hearing that i was hooked..I think i'm a true Christian now.
All day was awesome than today i skipped the morning cause they were sessions and I came to hear Louie Giglio, and he was awesome too! Even though i wanted to hear him again tonight i wanted to rest from all the hustle and bustle from the past couple days. By the way we got a couch and seat from salvos (salvation army) and they are awesome!
I think i'm so tired cause the past couple days i've been walking heaps (a lot) and my body just sort of crashed and i'm taking advantage of the fact that i don't work for church and don't need to be at the conference.
This past week has been good and trying and awesome and emotional all mashed together like a glee song. i miss so many things, so many people, so many comforts, panda express orange chicken...but even without those things God is so amazing and comforting and incredible and merciful and gracious and did i say amazing? His timing is so incredibly perfect that i am in awe with Him over and over again. *sigh

From 3 days ago

The more and more I go to Hillsong services, I think “we can so do this!” There method is simple: Love Jesus and be yourself. There are people that come to church in board shorts and tank tops, there are others that come in nice clothing, and others that look like they just woke up. But you know what they all have in common? They all worship God with all their hearts. During the youth service the guy that was hosting it was in a tshirt shorts with no shoes. Did anyone care? Nope. They loved it…cause that was HIM. During the youth service, which reminded me 100% of Urgency, girls were playing this game and they were rough housing and some were in shorts and shirts that I thought any second were gonna fly off…and I felt that I was the only that cared, but it was those little things that I cared about and no one else cared about…because its not about the little things. Its about getting these kids to church and teaching them that with God you can still have fun.

When I went to the young adults (18-25) I was so surprised that they had such a simple service but so powerful. Maybe that’s why they call it Powerhouse. The pastor is 29 and I’m like I can so do this! She wasn’t afraid to be herself and show others the truth that 18-25 yr olds go through. Lets just say God is definitely breaking me down and very little by little He’s putting piece by piece.

Today was an also emotionally trying day. Well, I went to service and Donna Crouch spoke in the morning and than I got some fruit than got peer pressured into going to church (which was probably a good thing). But tonight was a team from Gulu, Uganda and they put on a show called “Child Soldier No More”. Lets just say there was no dry eye in the sanctuary. These kids from Gulu were all either ex-child scldiers were kids that were affected directly by child soldiers. Each one of them had a story that was so life changing: one boy saw his mother get her arms than head chopped off. Another girl was forced to marry a soldier and had a baby at 14 yrs old. Another was a child soldier who abducted children and was shunned by his family when he ran away from the soldiers.

I sit and think about all my “problems” and think wow, each one of these kids, adults come here on this stage and do a musical about what they all went through and end the whole thing one by one saying the names of each person who hurt them and say they forgive them. Lets just say the little things…are nothing to me. I am so incredibly blessed and sometimes don’t even thank God for it.

Well, lets just say I am truly thankful for EVERY opportunity He has given me and continues to give me and I don’t ever want to forget that EVER again.

This is my Dilemma

I think that I might still be jetlagged cause I’m getting tired so much earlier! Today was eventful yet uneventful. I woke up and went to the gym down here. I got there and all the treadmills were conveniently out of service, so I did the step machine and the bicycle. I didn’t want to push too hard cause I hadn’t worked out in awhile…but I do want to go tomorrow. So I got back and ate an egg and muffin. We still don’t have a refrigerator…so water it was. Than when I got out of the shower I found out my 3^rd roommate came! Shes from France and has a hard time with English…but us Americans will grow on her. My other roommate moved into my room, which is fine by me cause she doesn’t have much clothes so I get a lot of the closet! (just kidding…kind of)

I went to the pharmacy and got myself a $5 fruit salad (small) and it was just what I needed…it was quite good and refreshing. I came back to the flat and got ready for youth service. This was the first time I went to Wildlife (high school ministry). I was having déjà vu cause it was just like Urgency. At 7pm they start a 30 minute countdown and they play games on one side of the room to try to get all the kids in there…lets just say they play rough! But I liked it…it was super crazy. Then they had praise and worship which was amazing…and they were promoting their summer camp big time! Summer camp was the topic of everything tonight, which I understand cause its next week and they want everyone to rego (register). But something that kind of hit me was that during the service, as great as it was, I was really wanting to be a part of the young adult ministry (18-25) but not be someone that attends and receives from them, but someone that leads them. Hillsongs young adult ministry is led by a couple that are 29 years old…(hello?!) and the wife, April, led the service on Wednesday and it was sooo good. Like super simple, short, yet appealing and powerful…I was blown away.

So is my dilemma stemming from I’ve done high school for so long…I’m tired now? Or is it do I think I can lead a young adult ministry because I want to be with older people? Am I questioning this out of tiredness and egoism or God? That is my dilemma of now.

Ever since coming here I’ve questioned so many things…great. And now I can’t find my ipod…Well earlier I did skype with my sister and Naomi…Lord I miss that little girl. But it makes me feel better that she is good and happy with her spaced out teeth. I had pizza for dinner…a small for $10..it was pretty good (no round table) but im just kind of sick of water now…lets pray that we can get a fridge soon!!!

Realization

This is my first night, really being by myself. Its been a whirlwind day filled with real emotions..real realizations…just seeing what could be. What Should be. I said goodbye to my mom this afternoon. Last night I knew she was struggling with the fact that I wouldn’t be there, so I snuggled in the bed with her. It was hard for me to REALIZE that I hadn’t done that in so long. And when I first thought of doing it I was hesitant…than I REALIZED that, what the heck is wrong with me…that’s my mom…why am I even hesitating? So we snuggled for a while and she finally admitted that she would miss me.

When we said our goodbyes she cried…I didn’t want to cry cause I knew it would be hard for me to stop, so I’m crying now. REALIZING that this is it. I’m here, alone. I don’t have someone to run to, to ask for stuff. I’m by myself. And yes it sucks. Its hard.

Once she left I met my flatmate and shes 20 years old…which isn’t the straight out of high school I was afraid of. However, I haven’t met the other 2 yet, but I feel its gonna be fine. We hung out and went to the grocery store and talked about the stuff we need…once the other 2 come.

Than we got to talking about movies, a love we both share..phew! Shes a music person so im sure I’ll be hearing some music going on around here. Than I got ready and hung out with Emma and her flatmate Alicia. They took me to Bondi beach and got a “burrito”. It wasn’t half bad…almost like Miguels, but the rice had like no flavor, but everything else was really good. The beach and weather (for me) was beautiful. We walked up the hill and was just looking down at all the surfers and water and Alicia asked me why I decided to come. It took a little explaining until I got to the truth of it all. I REALIZED I’m here for me. Its all about me now. Not about what I need to do for someone. Its not about who I need to please, who I need to be nice to, who I need to impress. I’m in Sydney for me. Its all about me.

After that we walked down the path and saw all the shops…we wanted ice cream but there was no parking so they took me to the powerhouse service (18-25 yr olds) and it was something that was so simple. I was imaging urgency just like it. No games, dim lights, the pastor April was in hair pulled back, white t shirt, jeans and sandals…no gimmicks, no makeup, no flashy stuff. Shes only 29 married with 2 kids. Her message was quick and simple…God will take things away from you that hurt sometimes but because He has a bigger reason in store for you. It was a service that is so doable and powerful. I was thinking, I don’t know maybe I want to work with young adults now! We’ll see…who knows.

I met a couple people here, it’s a little strange getting to know new people…but I know the beginning is the toughest but its gonna be good. Its gonna be REAL good.

Holy BATS!!

What a fun day today! So, we had brekkie (breakfast) in the morning and i had to come back and pack up all my stuff to take to the campus. Once we got there i put my luggage in a room and got welcomed than paid for my bond (security deposit) than my mattress and rent for the week. Yeah, they do weekly rent :/ And since i had 7..yup, 7 luggages i got branded the person with 7 luggages. Now, once i explained why i had so many, people realized how smart i was. See, there is a method to my packing madness. So we saw the apartments and they werent as luxurious as we first thought. There were a lot of things dirty in the apartment, the apt cleaners were out for holiday so they kinda skipped over mine, apparently. The good thing is that none of my roomates came today so hopefully they'll come soon so we can figure everything out.
After i did my American complaining about the room, they promised certain things would be fixed. (hey, i dont want to be charged at the end of the year for something i didn't do) We went back to the hotel and met Ceci on the harbour. We took her to a nice lunch to Nicos house, so good italian food. Than we went back to my apartment to show her the campus and where ill be living. We got to unpacking and started trying to organize things as much as possible. Theres still little things that i need like hangers and such. But next week were taking a trip to Ikea...so hopefully by than all my roommates will be there.
I met some super nice neighbors that i are on the same floor as i am and i got to see their apt and how they set it up. So that was really cool. They told me i can use their fridge and stuff till i get mine, so those girls will be seeing me a lot! They also said they have movie nights, so i think i'll fit right in!
After moving in we went back to hotel to chit chat which was nice, i really got to hear where Ceci is at in her point of life which gives me hope at the bright light at the end of this tunnel in my life. We walked her back to the train station and i saw BATS!! Oh my goodness they scared the you know what out of me! Ceci told me that there are bats and huge beetles and possums...not as ugly as American possums but still a bit ugly haha
I said goodbye until next time, which will probably be soon...but tomorrow is another day and we're gonna try to see a show and i really want to go to the beach!!!

Free Cd

This morning mom and i got up to get breakfast. Than came back to the room and rested before going to service. We went to the 11:30am Hillsong service. Since i'm planted at the City Campus, thats where we went to service. Its the smaller campus so while i'm here i do want to visit the Hills Campus because its bigger. So maybe i was expecting Jesus to be seated on the stage or something cause you see their Dvds and in concert and maybe expect that for church service, but its not like that. Its not bad either, its like a regular church service but with people with accents.
It was awesome though, they have such a great flow of how they do things...the music was great, they did 1 song that i knew (and it was at the end when everyone was leaving) the band was such in tune with eachother...no looking behind to tell the drummer theyre finishing, no subtle clues, just a flow through each song. I learned a couple new songs which i'll probably be singing in the next few weeks. We went to the welcome center and had tables with water and some people asking if we wanted coffee or tea (for free). We met this girl from Washington who has family here and will be staying here till April and another girl from Hong Kong who will be here for a little bit.
They gave each of us a welcome packet, which was really cool and a free cd...i like free cds :)
Than another girl came by and started talking to us and when she found out i was staying for college and we were just chit chatting.
After service and grabbing all the flyers for everything we walked down the street and went into a furniture store that was ridiculously expensive. Than saw an inside farmers market and checked things out. So we hailed a cab and went back to the hotel.
After dropping things off we had lunch at Tony Romas and had some good ribs, i feel like i smell and some guy in front of me keeps looking at me all weird...probably cause he's never seen a Mexican around these parts...haha just kidding.

Nicos House

Today was an adventurous day, sort of. After our morning breakfast we went to check out the school campus in Waterloo. The school was in a building, reminded me of Urgency, and this guy Cory was up front like receptionist guy. He answered all moms questions...than he said where are you from? And i said California. And he said oh are you the one that met Emma? And i said yeah! and he said yeah she told me to look out for a girl that i met in California...i'm famous! Ok, not really but it was cool that shes looking out for me. :)
So after we saw the campus we walked to the apartments i'll be staying at and from the outside they look super nice. Very modern, i took pictures but i havent uploaded them yet...so sorry, you;ll have to wait just a little bit longer. Than we went into the supermarket thats right down staires called Coles and its like a nicer Safeway. If i really wanted to get healthy theres a Whole foods around the block. But I do feel like i need a run on the treadmill, sooner than later.
After our little waterloo journey we went back to the harbour to check things out since it was a beautiful day and i saw this cute italian place called Casa di Nico. But before we went there we went to see what time Tron was playing. Even though the movie was $28.50 we figured, what the heck. So we got the tickets and went back to Nicos house. We sat down (outside) and ordered...i realized that a "lemonade" is actually sprite! (i need to remember that)...the bruschetta (i pronounced it bru-shetta the waitress pronounced it brus-ketta) was to die for....amazing! than mom ordered a pizza margherita and i got spaghetti bolognese...and both were incredible.
Even though the personal size pizza was $24, honestly, i would pay that price every time as long as it tasted that good and fresh. The spaghetti was homemade and incredible...i thought i was in Italian heaven...
So after we went back to the hotel and took a nap before the movie because there were only 2 showings for the movie. We came back and saw Tron and it was on the Worlds Largest Imax theater...so i decided the $28.50 was ok to pay. (also i didn't get a headache with the 3D..so it was well worth it) and the movie was awesome! My brother Rick was trippen when he said the movie wasn't that good.
So we came back to the hotel and skyped my sister, it was 2am back home and she looked pretty tired...even the dogs were tired. But all in all it was a good day. We're gonna go to the Hillsong service tomorrow and see what else is on the agenda.

The Devil can suck it!

Last night i didn't sleep much. I don't really know why, well maybe a little bit...jet lag. We finally didn't sleep at 7pm, i did sleep at 11:30pm and got up at 7am. Although I couldn't fall asleep until like 1am. It was weird cause I was actually scared to go to sleep like there was someone or something in the room, when i knew there wasn't. I had slept 2 nights for about 12 hours and last night i knew i would sleep for less i couldn't. So i started praying and claimed Gods protection over me...i mean this wasn't the first time this has happened, i think it was just the enemy trying to scare me...but he didn't succeed.
So this morning we have a couple things planned like going to see where the school and my apartments are...i move in monday and to see what the city looks like. Its a beautiful day today, yesterday was raining on and off but today looks like itll be pretty sunny...i've been sweating a lot cause of all the walking and the hot sun. But sweating is good...burn calories.
So i'll blog later about what happened on the aussie adventure to day.

A movie is how much?!

So today my mom forced me to get out and go walking. The jet lag got to me pretty bad and she was sick and tired of staying in the room sleeping all the time. So today we went exploring. Its pretty hot here, which is what i like :) We went to ask the bank some questions about whats needed for a new account, i'll be opening that on monday. Than we heard about some flea market called Paddys Market and took the Monorail there and it was like L.A.! all the little knick knacks and clothes were soooo much cheaper than all the outside places. When i heard it was expensive here, i thought they were exaggerating...but nope things are super expensive! We bought ice cream yesterday and for 2 single cones was $11!!
We found a Westfield shopping center and was walking through when we passed by a Sydney tower dining place so we decided to check it out. It was really expensive, but when else can we do this? So we really paid for the experience cause the food and service sucked (i wish they had yelp here). But one thing that i decided to try KANGAROO RUMP!! This was in honor of Sean & Adriana Bell. I was scared to try it...i mean it looked just like beef
So were walking through Paddys market and i found a cute kangaroo purse for Nai (its hot pink) she'll love it. But i'm glad i found it cause if im jonesing for some new clothes than i could go there. So we decide to go back to our hotel and we decide to go to the movies. We wanted to see Tron 3D and so we get to the theatres and we also had 20% off to the movies and see the prices...$28.50 for one adult!!!!!
Ok I know that 3D Imax is expensive but $28.50?!?! I don't think so!!
Ok so after we decide movies is a no go we finally find a Starbucks and mom got super happy and relaxed after that. Now were back at the hotel shes upstairs and im down here writing this...so until tomorrow!!

Don't eat Mcdonalds burgers

Finally made it to Australia. I must have slept like 12 hours. We left the airport 7 suitcases & all...got a taxi, a really nice guy who told us not to eat Mcdonalds burgers cause they're shipped from America and the meat is unknown. (his brother used to work there) but he said the filet o fish or chicken is good to eat. We got to the hotel and had to wait an hour so mom and I went to get me a phone...it's finally hooked up but I still need to figure out how to use it. It's a ghetto nokia phone but I think I can manage.
It's really warm here, and no lie, looks exactly like San Francisco just less homeless and gay people. Now I know why Hillsong loves San Fran. But no matter how beautiful and warm it is here I'm missing home, I'm sure that's natural and will be like this for awhile but I do have faith in Gods workings in my life and all He has planned for me. It's kinda weird talking to everyone with an accent and there's a fair amount of Asian people, which I was surprised, but than not really especially living in silicon valley. I'm excited for a new day....a new adventure, a new beginning in what God has in his hands waiting ti give to me.
I''m gonna try to blog as much as possible...it's a little hard here cause the server keeps crashing (Sean needs to work here) but I want to keep people up to date.

It's real

So it's real, even though it feels like I'm going on my yearly vacations. The ride to the airport was normal, Naomi talking like crazy...Adriana & Teresa up front chatting it up. Than we got to the airport & checked in & once we got to the line that's when it all got wet. My dad like usual was the strong one, and I hugged teresa & she made me cry & than my sister made me cry! And than the worst of them all was Naomi. I didn't think I would cry so much saying goodbye to her. I never experienced a 4 year old with such "real" emotion. Yes she cries for everything but these were NOT drama queen tears....this was the real thing. Once me & mom got into the line and i looked back & saw dad & Nai still crying I felt this burst inside of me that i couldn't hold in & started balling. I felt like throwing up & running back... I never want to feel like that again. NEVER.
So here i Am in the nifty lounge area drinking a sprite praying that everything will be ok because i am leaving everything, even if it is just for a year to the desert....a really nice warm beachy desert... And practice what preach...I knew this would bite me in the butt one day....but it's all worth it.