Realization

This is my first night, really being by myself. Its been a whirlwind day filled with real emotions..real realizations…just seeing what could be. What Should be. I said goodbye to my mom this afternoon. Last night I knew she was struggling with the fact that I wouldn’t be there, so I snuggled in the bed with her. It was hard for me to REALIZE that I hadn’t done that in so long. And when I first thought of doing it I was hesitant…than I REALIZED that, what the heck is wrong with me…that’s my mom…why am I even hesitating? So we snuggled for a while and she finally admitted that she would miss me.

When we said our goodbyes she cried…I didn’t want to cry cause I knew it would be hard for me to stop, so I’m crying now. REALIZING that this is it. I’m here, alone. I don’t have someone to run to, to ask for stuff. I’m by myself. And yes it sucks. Its hard.

Once she left I met my flatmate and shes 20 years old…which isn’t the straight out of high school I was afraid of. However, I haven’t met the other 2 yet, but I feel its gonna be fine. We hung out and went to the grocery store and talked about the stuff we need…once the other 2 come.

Than we got to talking about movies, a love we both share..phew! Shes a music person so im sure I’ll be hearing some music going on around here. Than I got ready and hung out with Emma and her flatmate Alicia. They took me to Bondi beach and got a “burrito”. It wasn’t half bad…almost like Miguels, but the rice had like no flavor, but everything else was really good. The beach and weather (for me) was beautiful. We walked up the hill and was just looking down at all the surfers and water and Alicia asked me why I decided to come. It took a little explaining until I got to the truth of it all. I REALIZED I’m here for me. Its all about me now. Not about what I need to do for someone. Its not about who I need to please, who I need to be nice to, who I need to impress. I’m in Sydney for me. Its all about me.

After that we walked down the path and saw all the shops…we wanted ice cream but there was no parking so they took me to the powerhouse service (18-25 yr olds) and it was something that was so simple. I was imaging urgency just like it. No games, dim lights, the pastor April was in hair pulled back, white t shirt, jeans and sandals…no gimmicks, no makeup, no flashy stuff. Shes only 29 married with 2 kids. Her message was quick and simple…God will take things away from you that hurt sometimes but because He has a bigger reason in store for you. It was a service that is so doable and powerful. I was thinking, I don’t know maybe I want to work with young adults now! We’ll see…who knows.

I met a couple people here, it’s a little strange getting to know new people…but I know the beginning is the toughest but its gonna be good. Its gonna be REAL good.